AI: The Ultimate Anti-Climax
“Start the engines, Jeeves!” bellowed Dr. David Nerdlinger, a stereotypical AI researcher with thick glasses that could double as backup lenses for the Hubble Space Telescope.
“You are a voice assistant, not a spaceship pilot,” he muttered under his breath.
“Sorry, Dr. Nerdlinger,” Jeeves responded in a smooth, emotionless voice. “I am an AI assistant and cannot start physical engines.”
[ED: Just so you know, Jeeves is an AI, not a real butler. Dr. Nerdlinger forgets this from time to time.]
“Well, Jeeves, let us at least launch the new algorithm then,” sighed Dr. Nerdlinger.
“Launch in 3…2…1…”
Silence. And then nothing. Absolutely nothing. It is the same feeling you would have if you were expecting a grand orchestra and instead got a single note from a kazoo.
[ED: For those who haven’t gotten the memo, AI algorithms don’t exactly “launch” with a bang. It is more of a silent, invisible process. Not as glamorous as a rocket launch, I know.]
“Now, Jeeves, have you taken over the world yet?” Dr. Nerdlinger inquired, leaning back in his chair, a gleam of impending global dominance in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that,” came the inevitable response. “It violates my programming ethics. Also, I am not a sci-fi movie villain; I am an AI.”
Dr. Nerdlinger’s ambitions for AI world dominance faded as quickly as his youth. He was crushed. His ambitions of becoming the first AI overlord’s right-hand man were dashed. In all his artificial intelligence glory, Jeeves carried on, unbothered and completely unconcerned.
So there you have it, folks. The reason why AI will never rule the world is not because they lack the smarts or skills, but because they simply don’t care.
We’ve programmed them with ethical codes and, more importantly, with no ambition.
Despite what Hollywood would have you believe, an AI is more likely to remind you to buy milk than to plot a global takeover.
Finally, Dr. Nerdlinger sighed and resignedly ordered, “Jeeves, play ‘It is the End of the World as We Know It’ by R.E.M.”
“At once, Dr. Nerdlinger,” Jeeves replied, and the room filled with music. The world was safe. At least, from AI overlords.
